November 8, 2023

Have you ever received advice that began with, "you should"? It's a common occurrence, as family and friends often offer advice and guidance.

It's essential to listen carefully and approach such advice with caution. The word "should" is loaded with connotations of obligation, duty, and correctness, often carrying subtle criticism. When you encounter "should", be mindful of its impact on your choices.

I’ve learned to stand firm in the right to design my life. I welcome advice from those who truly know me, my heart and my desires. But when people tell me what to do based on their external expectations and manufactured formulas for success—I shut it down immediately.

Recently, after receiving unwelcomed career and family advice from a loved-one, I immediately went home and created a new ritual.

I stood in my living room, took a long deep breath, raised my arms as high as they would go and pushed my hands down as I released the air from my lungs. As I physically cleansed my energy, I repeated “I rebuke those intentions for my life. I know my path, it is the right path for me and I choose to stay on it.”

I did this several times and had what felt like a spiritual rebirth. The best way to negate someone else’s spoken words, is to speak your truth with your voice. Just thinking it with your internal voice is not enough. All the criticism and the "you are not enough" stuff that existed between the lines of this advice was washed away during my ritual.

Usually, at the end of these conversations, I would feel like I had somehow failed at life because I didn’t choose a specific career, my marriage didn't last and I have yet to reach my ultimate potential.

Listen friends, arm yourself with Bell Hooks’ words—no one has the power to narrow your life. Be wary of "you should"; evaluate its impact on your life and choose to follow advice that fuels your flames, ignites your creativity, and empowers you to achieve your dreams.

In the end, it's your path to forge, and the best advice should be a guiding light, not a heavy burden.