3 Proven Ways to Overcome Self-Doubt

My 4-year old daughter is rambunctious, vibrant and expressive. Like most children, she isn't concerned with other people's opinions and she hasn't formed any negative opinions about herself. After a severe allergy attack, I took Grace to the doctor. It was located in a new building, so she didn't know where we were going. As I opened the door for her, she was transformed into a model at fashion week. She strutted into the office in her velcro, light-up Minnie Mouse sneakers, with one hand on her tiny little hip. Unable to see over the counter, she stopped, swung her hip to the side and snapped her opposite arm into the air, striking a pose. She paused. Then announced with a quick dip in her chin, "I'm Grace Broomfield!" Swallowing my chuckles, I walked over the counter and signed in--this was typical Grace. After we sat down, one of the other patients in the waiting room, looked at me and said, "now that's how you introduce yourself!"

It's true, we should always enter a room with confidence and energy. Unfortunately, as our lives evolve so do our insecurities, if we're not careful. These insecurities start as whispers of self-doubt. Some whispers are so loud they seem amplified by a bullhorn. I believe I was once a young, energetic little girl who felt the need to stand up and be seen. But adolescent life, stress, depression and the occasional failure dimmed my shine as I grew into a young, malleable adult.

Not to worry, all is not lost! Here are 3 ways I have learned to quiet the whispers of self-doubt and regain confidence:

1. Identify the source of your doubt: Unfortunately, triggers can be everywhere and most self-doubt starts with something we see or experience that is outside of our internal thoughts. The process of overcoming self-doubt involves identifying the source. Ask yourself first, where did this come from? Are you triggered by social gatherings or social media? Are you triggered by a coworker who got a promotion you deserved? Maybe your whispers start when you compare yourself to someone you believe is thinner, smarter, prettier or more charismatic than you. These whispers don't deserve your attention. If you allow even one to take root, they will quickly multiply. Soon enough, you will have a new story about yourself that ensures you are always defeated before you begin anything. Be ready when negative thoughts and comparisons show up. Avoid entertaining them. Reassure yourself, out loud if necessary. "I am not less than. I am different. And different is okay." Believe it. It's true.

2. Challenge negative self-talk: Sometimes the negative talk is so frequent, it becomes a sizable part of our internal belief system. Negative self-talk is a major source of self-doubt. When we hear that little voice in our head telling us that we can't do something, we must challenge it. The first question should be, "why can't I do it?" A great follow up question is, "where do I start?" (Maybe your baby-step needs to be more like an embryo step, the start before the start.) When we ask ourselves for evidence to support our beliefs--make sure they are facts and not just more compounding negative self-talk. Today, right now, we can decide that we are more confident, more engaged and more able to stand up in our own defense. Do you think Grace had any negative self-talk before walking into that doctor's office? This is why we love videos that highlight the carefree way children play. Tap into the younger you that was only afraid of monsters under the bed.

3. Surround yourself with supportive people: Last but not least, we must find our tribe! These are the people who always want us to succeed and never stand in our way. They encourage without self-serving motivations and allow us to feel safe and vulnerable when the situation calls for it. I have specific people that I reach out to depending on how I'm feeling. I have friends that believe in me and always assure me that I'm just experiencing a bump in the road to my greatness. We all need that, right? I have other friends who will help me strap on my work boots and strategize. I also have friends that listen while I whine about my feelings so I can get the hurt out. We need our people! Also, tribes are always evolving. New people cycle in while others cycle out. That's perfectly okay too.

Now that you are here reading my semi-private thoughts--you too are a part of my tribe. Do me a favor, and be kind to yourself first. Mental blocks and self-imposed obstacles start with our self-doubt. Practice self-compassion by identifying and challenging the whispers. When you have 1000 negative whispering voices in your head, it's no longer a whisper--it's noise. We must control the noise! Even the most confident people have noise, it's normal. But make your self-love louder.