When Filters Show You in the Wrong Light

Has anyone ever complimented you on a day you look particularly amazing, and you think, “So I look bad every other day?” You might say thank you, but then you continue the conversation in your head, "why did I even wear this dress?"

This is your self-doubt filter.

Another example: after you give a presentation at work, your colleague offers accolades. You hear, “I’m surprised you were able to pull that off...someone like you.”

When you go through life with a self-doubt filter, you will never see yourself for who you truly are. You fight yourself every step of the way towards your goals. If you are operating with this filter, there are three ways you twist a conversation to leave yourself feeling defeated. Be alert, and look for:

The Genuine Compliment

• The Problem: It’s feels like a hidden negative criticism.

• The Solution: Accept the compliment and reassure yourself that it’s true whether someone notices or not. You are enough in every way.

The Constructive Criticism

• The Problem: It feels like an mean-spirited attack.

• The Solution: Understand that honest feedback doesn’t always align with what we want to hear. Constructive criticism is not an attack on who we are, it's about someone loving you enough to provide options for improvement. If your filter automatically interprets all feedback as hurtful, dig deeper to get to the root of the feedback and your perspective.

The Malicious Attack

• The Problem: If your self-doubt filter is turned up too high, it validates what you believe about yourself.

• The Solution: Talk this through with a therapist, friend or loved-one whom you trust. When you’re not able to recognize your own beauty and talent, having someone maliciously confirm unfounded insecurities is the opposite of what you need.

Not too long ago during a therapy session, I discovered my own self-doubt filter. I was discussing a friend who mentioned my tendency to quit things. My therapist asked me if my friend had used those exact words. After some thought, I realized I had made assumptions during the conversation. My therapist then asked me where the word quitter came from–was it my opinion or hers? I realized that I had filtered my friend’s words through my own self-doubt. This was an AHA moment for me. Not only did I gain some insight into the tricks my uncontrolled ego plays, but I was gifted an opportunity to dial back the filter.

It’s not easy to turn off the self-doubt filter, but it’s important to try. If you don’t, you’ll continue to have a negative conversation with yourself that will only hold you back. According to the Buddha, “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”. Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion you would offer to a friend or loved one. Appreciate the compliments and constructive feedback that come your way, but don’t let your self-doubt twist them into something negative.

Remember, the self-doubt filter is not the truth, it’s just a distorted lens through which you view yourself. When you start to feel doubtful or insecure, take a moment to pause and reflect. Challenge the negative thoughts and replace them with positive affirmations. With practice, you can learn to see the world and yourself in a more positive light. You are capable of achieving great things, and the only thing standing in your way…is you.